A Look Back

I wanted to start a blog when I first found out I was pregnant to record all the milestones and emotions but didn't do that right away so I figure I will take a look back. It was the evening of Oct. 14, 2008 and we were at our small group for some reason my breasts were very sensitive that night almost as if I were nursing again, but WORSE. So the thought that I was pregnant came to mind but when I told Robert he didn't believe me and I didn't really think it was possible either. Well, that night I had a dream that I had woken up with a soaking shirt and then when I really woke up I told Robert "I'm pregnant." I took a test that morning and it was negative and he was like see you're not pregnant but I didn't believe the test or him. So that evening I went to Wal-Mart and bought some more pregnancy tests, after dinner I took the test and this time it was POSITIVE and quite quickly.













I was very excited but also a little sad because I really wanted a September or October baby and wasn't ready yet. But God had other plans. We didn't tell the kids yet because we weren't sure when we would tell the family and didn't want anything to slip from them. Robert called my parents right away because he thought someone needed to know. They were very excited and were some what good about keeping it on the DL.. It was so hard not to tell any one but I really wanted to wait til I had seen a doctor and it was confirmed by ultrasound before sharing with family and friends. We chose Thanksgiving to tell the family even though by then I hadn't seen a doctor yet I couldn't wait any longer. I told Brianna and Bryce the day before and gave Bryce a BIG Brother book like the Big Sister one Bri got when we were expecting Bryce.
Well, the morning of Thanksgiving I started spotting and that was the scariest thing to see when we were gonna share this great news with everyone and what if it wasn't so great after all. I was so stressed and hesitant to tell our families but we decided that we would still go through with it. It was hard for me though, telling everyone for the first time and knowing how excited they were but inside I wasn't excited, I was worried and scared of the unknown. But we shared our news because in case anything happened we would have all our family to support us and help us to get through. The spotting continued for a couple days and I called the doctor's office which was so much more discouraging than anything and when I got off the phone I just cried and cried. I was trying to totally rely on God and put it in his hands it was his child and whatever was going on was his plan for us and that he would see me through. By the 1st of December it hadn't gotten any better so I called the doctor's office again and they told me to go to the ER. That was the hardest thing to hear! SO I called Robert and he was too far away to make it home in decent time, so then I called my mom and she left work and took me to the ER. My grandma came over to watch the kids and we were on our way to find out if it was good or bad news. We got to the ER at 10:3o am and the waiting began.
I was so attached to this child already from the moment I found out I was pregnant there was a bond and I didn't want it to be ending. The thought of a June baby was perfect, the perfect age gap, 2 1/2 years between Bryce and baby, and Brianna would be starting pre-school after baby was born. Some of our family members would be on summer break and more than willing to help out, God's plan for this baby I had decided was perfect why would he be taking it all away now? Just being in the ER waiting room was so hard but a little comforting because at some point in that day I would know the definite answer and would have to go from there. Mom was so awesome and I was so thankful to have her there with me. I think that God also worked that out, because I don't know how well Robert would have done waiting and wainting and waiting. That morning I was praying so hard and depending on God so much just to get me through. I don't think a moment went by that I wasn't praying for God to let this child be ok and for me to be ok with the outcome. I know mom was praying too but she said she had a sense of peace and knew that it would be fine. The results from the blood tests came back positive and that was a big relief but not enough I wanted to see the baby's heartbeat on ultrasound to get rid of any doubt. Robert was able to get to the hospital at about 1:30 and mom went to watch the kids because Grandma had to pick up my cousins from school. So around 2:00 we were heading down to get an ultrasound that trip down the halls and around corners was one of the longest in my life. Just knowing we would know soon whether this child was ok or not. Our ultrasound tech was great and after intense moments of waiting we saw that tiny flicker, aww the heartbeat, and then the baby was moving. That was so amazing and I started to tear up. With God all things are possible and he had this baby and me in his hands the whole time.
Here is a picture of me waiting to go home after the great news and answered prayers and Rob handling business stuff and waiting to go home as well.
After the visit to the hospital the spotting continued and I decided to switch Doctor's and felt blessed in another way because I was able to see the doctor that delivered Brianna and Bryce. I was 12 weeks along when I had my first appointment with Dr.Baer and after that I felt a huge relief again and so comfortable in the fact that God was in control. About a week after I switched doctor's the spotting stopped. After those couple weeks of stress I felt so blessed and relieved that the spotting stopped and that God was taking care of us and He knew the plans He had for me... The rest of my pregnancy has been very much uneventful and I feel very very lucky to see God working in our lives through this new addition to our family.